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I am so proud of myself today. I mentioned the other day how I have been fighting against myself. I’m referring to that little voice that tells you to stop or that you can’t go any further. Well I think I finally learned how to tell that voice to shut the hell up.

On Thursday I went to the gym with my sister and she pushed me to walk 2 minutes, run 2 minutes on the treadmill. We did this for 3 miles, which for me took maybe 50 minutes or so.  Towards the end she had me add a 3 minute run instead of doing 2.

Today I went to the gym on my own. On the way I was mentally preparing what I wanted my workout to consist of. I started with, oh boy! Kim isn’t going to be there so this will be easy. I can do one mile of 2 minute walking, 2 minute running and then I can just walk fast. Then I felt a little guilty so I bumped it to 2 miles. Then I realized, and it was a very “DUN DUN DUN” moment, that I’m only shorting myself. So what if Kim isn’t there to nag me into going that extra mile? I’m the one benefiting from this. I’m the one who set a goal to jog 2 miles. I’m the one that wants to reach this goal weight. I’m the one that wants to keep up with her in a few weeks when we do our run/walk event. Kim can push me, but she can’t do this for me. If she believes in me enough to push me past what I think I’m capable of then why can’t I believe in myself enough to do it on my own?

So… I did it. I pushed myself to continue the workout that I did with her on Thursday and I killed it. I did 60 minutes of cardio. I added 0.2-0.5 more speed to my run instead of slacking at a low speed. For 3 miles I walked 2 minutes, ran 2 minutes. I completed 3 miles in 45 minutes, which considering I had a 5 minute warm up is a little better than 15 minutes per mile and I took 5 minutes off what I did on Thursday. The next time I’m going to restart my time after my warm up so I can see how I really do per mile. And I added a 3 minute run instead of doing 2 as she had me do the other day. I feel really, really good because I learned a lesson here.

My lesson is that I’m only accountable to myself. When I wanted to quit half way through mile 3 and walk the rest I pushed through it because I would have only been shorting myself and I don’t want to do that. I didn’t think about Kim or being guilty because I was letting her down. For the first time, I felt that if I didn’t push through it I would let myself down. Learning that, FINALLY, is going to get me to this 2 mile jog goal. For the first time I think I really feel like a runner because I choose to do it. I wanted to do it and get to the end.

I’m also excited because 45 minutes for 3 miles is good for me. There was a time that it took me an hour just to do three miles. Today I finished at 3.85 miles in 60 minutes. 10 of those 60 minutes were a warm up and cool down. I’m not where I want to be yet, but I am so far from where I was. That said, I know I can do better and I’m going to.